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The Chair

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Warning: this fic is HIGHLY random and invovles stinky cheese...
The Chair
By Ruth Anderson

Legolas had planned this night three weeks ago. A night just for him, his favorite over-stuffed chair, a mud mask and a huge pile of munchies. This was the night that any girl…urm, I mean guy, urm, Elf, yes a night any elf would dream of. But of course, when you have friends like his, seldom do things go as planned. This night, this perfect night was to be no different…

Legolas had just settled into his chair when a faint knock was heard at the door. In fact, the knock was so faint at first that Legolas didn’t hear it. That is until it became louder and much more urgent. The elf started to get up to see who it was when he remembered last week when he had heard a knock just as urgent. Aragorn had come running through the door screaming and crying that someone had stolen Anduril, his precious sward. Turns out, Aragorn had taken Andy on a little walk and left him at the park. With that memory, Legolas sat back down. Aragorn can deal with that stupid sward on his own, Legolas thought. No sooner had Legolas sat down then he heard the door swing open and the sound of feet running down the entryway. The feet were heading in the direction of the living room, and they soon burst in. It was Pippin. The tiny hobbits face was white as a ghost and he was breathing heavily.
“Help!!!” he screamed, diving behind Legolas and into the chair. “Aragorn is going to kill me!!” Legolas picked up the hobbit and placed him on the floor.
“What is going on?” Legolas demanded, sitting down again. Pippin tried to crawl behind Legolas again, without much luck.
“Aragorn is going to kill me!” came the muffled reply. Pippin’s head was now buried in the arm of the chair.
“What did you do this time?” asked Legolas, deeply concerned. Pippin didn’t get a chance to answer as just then a very angry Aragorn came stomping into the room.
“Where is he?” Aragorn bellowed. “Where is that little half-pintish, sward-napping, wanna-be-prancing, dashboard-sized, little thief?!”
“You said little twice,” Legolas teased.
“Shut up Leggie! I’m gonna kill that little two-timing thief!” With that, Aragorn rushed the chair.  Legolas stuck his foot out to stop the now completely crazed King.
“What did he do?”
“He stole my cheese! I was going to make nachos for him for our slumber party.”
“You mean to tell me all of this is over come cheese?”
“That cheese was very important to me. It’s been with me through think and thin. And he just stole Charley!” Aragorn tried another lunge at Pippin cowering behind Legolas, but Legolas’s foot in Aragorn’s stomach didn’t get him far.
“Oh, gross. Please tell me you don’t mean that hunk of stinky cheese that has been in your fridge for the past three years. You mean to tell me…wait a second, did you just call that cheese Charley? You named it? Have you gone completely bonzo? It’s a hunk of stinky, moldy, at one time cheese! This is what you are going to kill Pip over? You have lost it my friend.” It was then that Legolas made the worst mistake of his life; he put his foot down. Now there was nothing between the cowering Pippin and the crazed Aragorn. Aragorn jumped onto the chair and subsequently onto Legolas’s lap, screaming something about cheese.
“I just wanted to throw it out,” was faintly heard from under the pile of bodies.